I don’t want to be a June Cleaver
Or do I? She’s kinda hot and keeps a tight ship, cooking and everything.
Who am I really?
It’s been coming to light that I have a problem with imperfection. Or something. Perhaps it is informed by a desire to merge with the heavens and ultimately leave this troublesome earth. Whether it is imperfection with my baking, or in the state of affairs at our house.
I find that I am guided by statements that begin with “I can’t stand it when…” This does not serve me; in fact, it makes life rather miserable.
Living with two boys whose last priority is cleanliness and tidiness of our house has been challenging. I have been resenting the way that it has been playing out. The story that I tell myself is, that I don’t want to be June Cleaver- I don’t want to be responsible for everything round here.
I tell myself that I am the only one who does any upkeep around here. Why do I have to be the one to almost always do dishes left in the sink, replace toilet paper, etc. etc. At least they take out the trash and recyclables, but only when they are piling high. I hate piles, I can’t stand it when things pile up. They may not prioritize these things, but it is disrespectful and inconsiderate that they leave the house such a mess for others.
When really, it’s not personal. They don’t expect me to do it. It is not a priority for them. But it is for me, and this is where I want to start butting my head.
So how do I transform this? I shoudn’t seek to control the situation. Or should I? I am reminded of the porcupine medicine, which I discovered in healing– the porcupine, whose quills I have to beware because they end up in my belly. The porcupine reminds me to be playful, and the poem goes something like this: stickly prickly, do not push your way into my life without consent. Unasked advice has a price- control is not good intent.
Generally, I must create a space for imperfection, for what simply is. This state of affairs is not going to go anywhere, not even with a huge battle with my roommates, and that would not be pleasant or productive. Cleaning is definitley more my thing. I must remember that when I don’t hold back, when I provide my talents, the universe supports me- the boys support me in other ways.
I release the urge to control my surroundings. All that I can control is myself. I must continually let go of my ego hassling me about what is “right” and “wrong.” What is Tao for me is what serves me. That is to control my house with perspective, as a Taurus, clean, orderly, sensuous, meticulous. I can’t resist it, and putting up so much resistance has taxed my energy. When I create a space for imperfection and disorder, I create a space for love, and for me to be myself– really, truly, lovingly, myself. Humbled, and in service. To myself above all, and to others.
My man said it himself. “Just ask and we will do a cleaning jam together.” He is committed to an hour of cleaning a week.
Cleaning jam, here we go, and I am loving it.
P.S. Going deeper– maybe I was resisting being a wife! Rebelling against tradition… except this is not really a traditional situation. We’re not married, and I have two men in this house. I have a job, I pay rent. Maybe I was being a spoiled only child- wanting everything done and not wanting to do any of it. All these tasks, and I felt like I had to do them all– but I don’t. I am growing into being a woman, it’s time to own it. I cook, I clean, I have a life outside the home, this is what I do. The boys have what they do too.
Before I moved in, my man said that we are partners. He’s committed to me. It’s time I not hold back doing wifey stuff- not hold back for lack of a label and a title, for rebellion, for some chimeric “equality” and women’s lib. Who am I really? I am a woman, a partner, a friend, a lover, a nurturer. I am being taken care of, it’s ok to give! Every little thing does not have to be split evenly. Everyone pitches in their strengths.
I ask for the power to discriminate between situations where I need to not hold back, and lovingly share my talents, and situations where I righteously ask for help.
Nina Lois is a graduate student at the University of Colorado at Denver obtaining a Master's Degree in Humanities with a B.A. in political science. Her passions are broad when it comes to the human condition. She is deeply interested in philosophy, psychology, environmental and social justice, peace studies, music, nutrition, tradition, and progress. 
Upon her imminent graduation, she wishes to contribute to the health, wealth, and happiness of the community through involvement, writing, and research. For goodness's sake, love the body, cultivate the mind and a garden, and feed the soul!
Thanks again